Krispy Kreme Kure, or A Doughnut a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

A KK store opened on June 24th in Tacoma, and people started lining up 12 hours before the 5:30 a.m. opening, with sleeping bags and “the enthusiasm usually reserved for a ‘Star Wars’ film, Oprah or a rock concert.”  At midmorning, people were still waiting an hour in line to get a doughnut. According to an article in the Tacoma News Tribune the next day, the company has opened 292 stores and did $492 million in sales last year. With franchise revenue included, its revenues topped $779 million, expected to pass $1 billion this year. Stock price increased 10 percent over the last year. The company is not planning to saturate the market, but to open one store for every 100,000 households.

Did it ever occur to you what a strange phenomenon this is? Why are Krispy Kreme Doughnuts so successful? They aren’t anything special; many people don’t even think they taste that good. And if they really were that good, why wouldn’t the company want to saturate the market?

There is definitely a puzzle here, and I have the answer. I have been studying alternative medicine and have applied the principles I learned there to solve the Krispy Kreme mystery. A donut a day keeps the doctor away! Yes, eating Krispy Kreme doughnuts have an almost magical effect in maintaining optimum human health. They correct the altered vibrational frequencies of the life force and prevent disease from taking hold of the organism. It’s called the Krispy Kreme Kure (KKK?).

  1. Herbal medicines are natural and healthier: instead of being one purified chemical, they are a mixture of ingredients that work synergistically in a way not understood by science. The Krispy Kreme folks have a secret recipe that combines just the right amount of each natural ingredient so the ingredients can work together optimally.
  2. Electricity and magnetism are important for health. The donut, or torus, shape is ideal for concentrating those forces in a reverberating circuit that builds on itself. Remember, electromagnets are formed by wrapping wires around a core in a donut shape.
  3. Vibrations are essential to health. When the right frequency of vibration is established in a donut-shaped path, the peaks and troughs of the sine waves come together to magnify the strength of the vibrations.  A soprano singing the right frequency can break a glass.
  4. Good treatments are suppressed by the establishment because they might interfere with making money, i.e. Laetrile was suppressed because the drug companies wanted to keep making a profit on ineffective chemotherapeutic chemical. Doctors want people to be sick so they can treat them with their artificial  and ineffective methods. Drug companies want people to be sick so they can sell drugs. Chiropractors want people to develop subluxations so they can treat them.
  5. Many alternative health treatments are based on tapping into the proper vibrational frequency of the meridians or the etheric body. The natural properties of the torus shape allow the vibration of the donut ingredients to adjust the frequencies of the body as they are digested.
  6. A cardinal principle of alternative medicine is that your diet determines your health. There have been many attempts to optimize the diet (macrobiotic, vegetarian, high protein, low protein……etc. ) but all these are poor approximations. A daily KK donut is the perfect solution to the diet dilemma.
  7. Ancient wisdom is best. Of course, the donut is a recent development, but the main ingredients have been handed down through centuries of human diet, from the earliest domestication of wheat in .___BC and the earliest domestication of animals (cows and their milk). Humans have always known there was something good about the ingredients of dough – only now has that ancient knowledge been perfected in the KK donut.
  8. Natural products do not have side effects. A daily donut is perfectly safe, even for diabetics. It can be counted in the bread exchange in the diet, and its beneficial effect on blood sugar will reduce the need for insulin injections.
  9. Safe for children.  Many drugs cannot be used in children. The KKK is safe even for the smallest infant. A small piece of donut can be crumbled or ground up and mixed with breast milk or formula even for a newborn. This is an ideal way of introducing your child to solid food, and will last longer and help your child sleep through the night at an earlier age.
  10.  Science is not the only way of knowing.

Testimonials for the KKK:

  1. My child was 12 months old and was not yet speaking. I fed him a quarter of a KK every day for the next 6 months – now he can say 20 words, and he is happier and hasn’t had a single ear infection in the last 3 months.
  2. My doctor diagnosed cancer on a Pap smear and wanted to poison me with drugs and mutilate me with surgery. Instead, I ate a KK every day and I feel perfectly well 2 years later. I have no symptoms of cancer.
  3. I was tired all the time – no energy at all. After a month of the KKK, I am able to run 2 miles a day and I feel great!
  4. I had arthritis in my knees so bad I could hardly walk down stairs. Thanks to the KKK, my pain is mostly gone.
  5. My grandparents and parents all died before the age of 70. I am 82 and still going strong, thanks to my KKs.

 

 

 

Dr. Hall is a contributing editor to both Skeptic magazine and the Skeptical Inquirer. She is a weekly contributor to the Science-Based Medicine Blog and is one of its editors. She has also contributed to Quackwatch and to a number of other respected journals and publications. She is the author of Women Aren’t Supposed to Fly: The Memoirs of a Female Flight Surgeon and co-author of the textbook, Consumer Health: A Guide to Intelligent Decisions.